Who Cares

do i matter

October 21st, 2008

the answer is no i do not…never have never will- maybe one day but im not counting on anything- why should i, i put my whole heart into things and they never happen so i give up im done im tired and all i want to do is cut the pain out , maybe i was just born to feel pain every damn day of my life-not doing well these days but who the fuck cares-maybe its all in my head right so maybe i should just tell myself to shut the fuck up and be fucking happy and just hold it all in well i did that for awhile and look where it got me – no where except to the life of a cutter- yes thats me IM A CUTTER and i fucking hate it but can not seem to escape it then again maybe i like the pain im rambling right now and it doesnt matter cuz no one reads these anyway

1 Comment »

  1. drjean says

    Being someone who self harms in a physical way isn’t much different than the way you harm yourself with your own thoughts and words.

    Have you considered not putting your whole heart into things, and see if the outcomes are easier to take? Have you ever heard the term “good enough for government work?” Well, it means there are people and a way to do something “just good enough” and not full bore. You don’t have to go headlong into a project, especially when you don’t think you will get much of a payoff.
    I personally believe (with data to back my beliefs) that what you focus on is what you draw into your life. (Quantum physics calls it the observer effect…very interesting.)
    Can you find one small task, and think very positively about doing it, and the outcome being good and enjoyable? Any other thought should be countered or blocked. Pick something small. I bet you can make it work out.
    (((hug)))

    October 22nd, 2008 | #

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